The Head Fake

Just finished reading The Last Lecture at the recommendation of a good friend.  Knowing what I was walking through with my mom, he recommended it with the footnote, "Car, it's not about dying.  It's about living."  He was spot on.  While my mom's diagnosis is not terminal, it is life altering.  I would recommend this book to everyone, but most certainly to the ones that have been told their time is limited, short of a miracle.  And of course, we both know God is absolutely able in that department.  However, the more I live, the more I am learning to see the "miracles" in the smaller things in life; sometimes they are simply just a revelation of the heart.  Or....

"Head fakes", as Randy Pausch, refers to them in The Last Lecture.

Randy started playing tackle football when he was nine years old.   His coach, Jim Graham, was a "hulking, six-foot-four wall-of-a-guy".  Randy and his teammates were scared to death of him, but fear quickly turned to awe.  On the first day of practice Coach Graham didn't bring any footballs.  Randy tells the story of one kid finally asking the coach why there were no footballs.  The conversation went like this:

 

Coach Graham: "We don't need any footballs."  

Silence.  

Coach Graham:  "How many men are on a football field at a time?"  

Kids: "Eleven on a team."  

Coach Graham: "And how many are touching the football at any given time?" 

Kids: "One."  

Coach Graham: "Right!  So we're going to work on what those other twenty-one guys are doing."  

Randy shares that Coach Graham rode them hard this particular season.  He was old-school, and very much about teaching them fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals.   His philosophy was that you had to get the fundamentals down or the "fancy stuff" wouldn't work.  Coach Graham also worked in a no-coddling zone.  During one particular game, they were playing terribly and the coach let them know it.  At halftime, Randy and his teammates sprinted for the water cooler.  The coach was livid, yelling that they showed more energy running to the water cooler than they had on the field.  Randy tells the rest of the story in the book (go read it!), even teasing that Coach Graham would probably get kicked out of today's youth sports.  

Randy then explains that there are two kinds of head fakes.  The first being literal.  "On a football field, a player will move his head one way so you'll think he's going in that direction.  Then he goes the opposite way."  Coach Graham used to tell them to watch the player's waist.  "Where his belly button goes, his body goes," he'd say.  

But it's the second head fake that's the really important one....the indirect learning that teaches people things they don't realize they're learning until well into the process.  The important lessons from Coach Graham wasn't the fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals (though that is very valuable).  It was teamwork, perseverance, sportsmanship, the value of hard work, and the ability to deal with adversity.   Randy believed this kind of head fake learning was vital.  And he believed Coach Graham was the master. 

Reading this chapter got me to thinking about how God teaches us sometimes.  While I'm hesitant to use the term "head fake" in the same sentence with God and "anything", I do believe the concept is true. (so please keep it in context, God absolutely does NOT play head games with us)  Perhaps better explained.....

My mom is the first head fake that comes to mind.  When Mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in late July, we were on a mission to learn as many of the "fundamentals" as we could.  What is MS?  What causes it?  Is there a cure? What are the symptoms? How long will this exacerbation last? What triggers attacks? Will she ever walk with balance again? Be able to read? And the list goes on and on.  Here was God's head fake:  You're not in control.  I can see the big picture.  You're gonna need to trust me.  You really do belong to me.  You are stronger than you think.  What feels like the end of the world, I will bring blessings.  You will renew your love and devotion to one another.  You will understand what it means to have a peace that passes understanding.  You will feel joy again.  You'll learn to appreciate the small things.  You'll prioritize better.  You'll say "I love you" more.  

I will tell you that when I was sitting on the hospital bed, holding my mom's hands while trying to make sense of what the doctor was saying, the lessons of trusting, prioritizing, and loving more completely were not the first things I gravitated towards.  But now 4 months later, and somewhat emerging "from the fog", I can tell you God is surely present and physically felt.  He's solidly held me, and more importantly, He's held my mom - just as He said He would - right in the palm of His hand.  Her attitude and outlook on her "new" life inspires me.  I've never been more proud to call her my mom.  

My second head fake will actually be a "reminder" head fake.  And it'll happen in 12 days.  I'll be leaving for Peru on December 4th, visiting a dozen orphanages delivering shoes, Christmas presents, and a lotta hugs and kisses.  But the head fake for me will be the perspective change, the reality check once again of what a "consumption" society we are (myself included!), how we obsess over things that matter not, and all the "busyness" that we create for ourselves in the good 'ol US of A is beyond ridiculous.  But most of all, I'll remember how very near God's heart is to the orphan. 

I'm gonna go and try my best to "love 'em like Jesus".  But when I get there, I know I'll be on the receiving end....exceptionally and completely.  God is love. And love never fails. 

Is it a head fake when you know the head fake is coming? 

Yes Sir! That's my baby....

Girl. And she's been doing Turkey Stops with me since she was 4 years old. Proud Momma? YES!

Everything's equal in the Chemo Room....

I've often heard the saying, "Everything's equal at the foot of the cross." In the last 3 weeks, I've discovered this is true for a chemo room, too. Long story short, I'm severely anemic, and have been receiving iron infusions. I received (hopefully) my last treatment yesterday. Without boring you with the details, 12 is "normal low. I'm up to 9.5 (Yippeeee!) and believing for a 12 in the next few weeks. 15 is the norm.

At this point, I don't even care about my hemoglobin counts. After spending 3 consecutive weeks at my onocolgist's chemo room for 5+ hours at a time, I'm much more interested in telling you about the sweet people I observed or met when I was there.

Out of the 24 or so chairs, there were only a couple of us there for something other than the "C" word. Sobering, to say the least. These precious people were there fighting for their lives!! To my right was Gloria, who quickly became my favorite! She's fighing breast cancer. Mike was across from me. He's a fisherman. He has a trip planned to fish off the coast of Autrailia later this year. The cancer is in his brain. I'm praying he gets to make that trip. Mary, to my left was diagnosed with breast cancer the week before Father's Day of this year. They've now found a spot in her lung. Steve, a 26 year old country boy, was celebrating his last day of chemo. Celebrating with him, was his mom who was passing out grapes, cheese & crackers. Her gift of hospitality brought a smile to the room. And then there was Mary, an oncology nurse, who had full knowledge of this journey since most of her adult life, she's been the one administering the meds.

I didn't have a chance to meet the folks in the adjoining room, but from where I sat I saw an older gentleman who looked to be the literary type; perhaps a college professor as he appeared to be grading papers. Across from him was a very young woman, who was obviously married because she gazed and held her wedding band as the chemo began to flow through her IV for the first time. Her husband sat on a stool at her feet for the duration. Next to her was a true Hepburn. A gorgeous lady with an IV port inserted just below her pearls. I watched her for a long time. Oh, the grace that she exhibited; and I'm fairly certain she had received it too. There was a peace about her that was apparent.

I loved hearing their stories. They inspired me with their strength. They stirred places in my heart that hadn't been exposed since my own father passed away with cancer. Yet even so, I sat with a prayer on my lips thanking God for walking me down this path, if only for a few weeks. I felt guilty. And I told them so. They're response? "Sweetheart, your anemia is just as important as what we're going through." Because my condition is not life-threatening, I felt like John in someways....when he got to see a glimpse of Heaven. Yes, I know that sounds absolutely crazy that I'd compare a chemo room to Heaven, but it's true. I saw a glimpse of a life that most of us -Praise Jesus - dont' get to see. An altered perspective; a healthier one, for sure! At the very least, I did see a picture of the true church. Love & Service.

In Beth Moore's Daniel Bible Study, there was a particular week that I will always remember as long as I live. It was talking about the 3 scenarios that we can experience as believers when we face fiery trials.

When facing a trial or fire, we'll either....

-Be delivered from the fire, and our faith will be built.

-Be delivered through the fire, and our faith will be refined.

-Be delivered by the fire into His arms, and our faith will be perfected.

Statistics and logic tell me that of the people I've met the last 3 weeks, some will be delivered from the fire. Some will be delivered through it. And others will be made perfect.

My prayer is that each one of them know Him. I am utterly convinced that God is much more interested in healing our hearts before our bodies. My prayer is that you know Him too. Because no matter what life deals us, in the end.... We win! :) The battle has already been won.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39.

The Station....The One With The Award

The One With the Award from The Morning Cruise on Vimeo.

Streams in the Desert

When the frosts are in the valley,

And the mountain tops are grey,

And the choicest buds are blighted,

and the blossoms die away,

A loving Father whispers,

"This comes from my hand";

Blessed are you if you trust

Where you cannot understand.  

If, after years of toiling,

Your wealth should fly away

And leave your hands all empty,

And your locks are turning grey,

Remember then your Father

Owns all the sea and land;

Blessed are you if you trust

Where you cannot understand. 

-From Streams in the Desert, October 23rd 

Yes! It's true. I just wrote a poem on my blog!  Don't tell Bill!  I actually like poetry; I just don't like Bill's "high-brow" stuff that you need a PhD to understand.  :)  

I liked this poem because it acknowledges that sometimes it is hard to trust when we don't understand.  Some day we will understand God's "no's".  But most likely we'll only get glimpses this side of Heaven.  But being the impatient children that we are, we not only want a "yes", but we want it TODAY!  Our prayer is often, "Won't you take this cup from me?"  But as Streams says, "Is today the limit of God's working time?"  Of course not.  He owns the land and the sea!  

My friend, Melanie Hall is the one who recommended Streams in the Desert to me back in September.  It's a devotional by Mrs. Charles Cowman.  It's very old.  But oh so rich!  I still chuckle when I think about Melanie trying to tell me the name of the author.  I wasn't getting the word "Cowman".  Being the teacher that she is, she said, "Look at me....C-O-W-M-A-N". LOL! Cow+man. Got it. :)  I bought it immediately and have SOAKED it up!  She knew what I needed for sure.  Thanks so much, Mel!   

Now, I'm recommending it to you.....And get the journal, if you can.  There's room for notes.  Christmas is coming.  Hint, hint, hint.   

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Health Issues Part B...and now it's me. :)

So have you ever met those people that when you ask them how they're doing, they go into this long, drawn out monologue about how their dad just lost his job, their mom is battling such and such, and they just got back from the Dr. and they're suffering with so and so. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I've always tried to gracefully excuse myself from these conversations, or at the very least change the subject after about 5 minutes. Sadly, I feel like I've become THAT person! But I have certainly been convicted of these feelings and attitude the last few months and now have a new level of compassion that I've never had. And I am grateful.

I’ve struggled with anemia for as long as I can remember. As early as high school, I’d try and donate blood, but they wouldn’t accept it because my red blood cell and hemoglobin counts were too low. But even with that knowledge, I never paid much attention to it. The most obvious symptom of anemia is fatigue. And even with that, I’ve always pushed through the fatigue, and thus have had 2 speeds all my life. On & Off. For the most part, work has gotten the "On" and my family has gotten the "Off" ... much more than I care to admit.

Back in July (a week before my mom got sick), I went to the Dr. for a check up. My hemoglobin and red blood cell counts were at an all time low. So low, in fact, my Doctor gave me a “stern talking to”. All the craziness with Mother happened the very next week, and we all know the story from here. A month or so later, I got a call from my Dr. following up to see if I’d ever made an appointment with a hematologist. She literally had her directory out giving me names of hematologists over the phone. Her words to me that day were: “Carmen, I want you to understand how severe your counts are.” Motivated by needing to take care of my mom, I knew I needed to take care of me. In August while on vacation, I made an appointment with a hematologist that specializes in Oncology. (I know. Pretty freaky!) I will say walking into the Florida Cancer Center was a little un-nerving. Long story short, I’ve had a series of tests & blood drawn for the last 2 months. My doctor put me on prescription iron to try and boost my levels. After 8 weeks, my hemoglobin was raised by 1 point. He wasn’t happy with that number.

A couple of weeks ago, I started experiencing vertigo and dizziness. I’m also struggling with concentration and I feel like I can’t finish a complete thought. It’s so frustrating! I attributed all of this to stress (home & work) and keeping up the with the pace of the station, a family, and now of course, mom.

I had more blood drawn last Thursday and the doctor wanted to see me again on Tuesday. Which leads me to a "God" moment that I must share:

I guess I had mentioned to Mary about my vertigo (I don’t even remember this). We had been texting about something else that afternoon when I was sitting in the waiting room. And then I get this text from her: “I just saw something that said anemia can cause vertigo and dizziness. Ask the Dr. about that.” I'd never even considered that my lightheadedness/vertigo was related to the anemia. When I went back, my doctor said that after looking at my counts, he was strongly suggesting that I start iron infusions within the next few weeks. As he explained to me what that meant, I mentioned to him that I had started to experience vertigo & dizziness in the last week. He then said, “You’re starting infusions tomorrow, and will be here in my office for the next 3 consecutive weeks”. The vertigo definitely put this on the fast track.

A "prompted" text from a co-worker, when we were actually texting about something completely un-related. God is good. And always, always on time. And even used modern technology. :)

I've now finished 1 treatment, and have 2 to go. Spending yesterday in a chemo room was eye-opening, heart-wrenching and an incredible gift. I can't wait to introduce you to Gloria, Mary, Mike, Susan, Jack & Sam. I will tell you about them soon. And of course, my nurse, Jennifer. You won't believe this story! Talk about divine appointments! And this appointment was for me. Yes, God is good!

I'm often asked how I feel about living my life on the air and if it's hard for me to be so honest. My response to that is I really don't know any other way to be. Sharing with you is like breathing to me. It just comes naturally. And when I get a note like this, I remember that we really are sharing in one another's journeys, joys, and sufferings.

From a sweet listener:

So what craziness but let me tell you this story. In late August I went to the Dr. (for the 1st time in 4 years....lol) because I needed to get a tetanus shot for our trip to Guatemala and the Dr. suggested I get some blood work done. I found out in September before we left that my iron was low (7.5) and the Dr. said in a perfect world I wouldn't be leaving the country and should probably have a transfusion. Nothing was stopping me from going to Guatemala so I started iron pills and when I got home from Guatemala I had my iron re-checked. It was actually the day I saw you at share-a-thon. I left to go to the Dr. and found out it had actually gone down lower (6.9) so they referred me to a hematologist. So, my appt. was yesterday and my iron is still only up to 7.3 and that is while taking iron pills. So, I start iron infusions Friday morning and after spending all night thinking about it all and how am I going to deal with the needles and everything I heard Bill & Dave this morning talking about you and where you were today. I vaguely remember you mentioning at some time about having to go to a hematologist but that was it and so hearing that this morning I thought how crazy. I kept you in my prayers today and of course we are facebook buddies and hearing about what was going on today I decided to come by and send you a quick note. Your updates on what it was like and the people and everything made me feel better. So so so much better. I am now looking forward to Friday and not just because I can't wait to start having more energy and etc.. but I know for sure there will be someone there that God has planned for me to cross paths with. So it is because of you that I found my way to Guatemala and for the same reason I found out I was anemic. Thank you so much for also being able to always show the positive side to things. Beth Moore says "Coincidences are just when God wants to remain anonymous." I however hear him loud and clear......lol

Blessings,
Talitha

Talitha, we're praying for you. And let's all keep journeying together.....

Glory in the Highest

Here's a snapshot of the evening (this past June) when Chris Tomlin's Christmas CD, Glory in the Highest was recorded at Ocean Way Studios in Nashville.  I didn't make the video because I was standing up front next to Chris during our duets. :)  

OK, on a more serious note, The Morning Cruise is featuring a special Christmas show next Friday, October 23rd.  Tune in! 

Chris Tomlin - Glory In The Highest Preview 

Shhhhh!

Don't tell anyone, but I'm already listening to Christmas music! Yes, I know. Can you believe it? What's happened to me? Have aliens stolen the real me and replaced me with an elf? It's been no secret that I've struggled with Christmas music for a long time. Of course, it didn't help that Dave liked to break Christmas music out around Halloween. Bill was good with 2 weeks before Christmas. Me? I was OK with not playing it at all.

But before you think I'm totally bah humbug, I feel it important to let you know a few things. First, my dad and my step-dad both died at the holidays, in the same year. My dad's death left me with a huge sense of regret, and my step-dad's death left me with a 4 year old who totally missed her Paps, and a mom who could barely get out of bed in her grief. Of course, I was hurting too. For years, I associated Christmas, to include Christmas music, with "making arrangements". Additionally, growing up with a single mom it wasn't always the "Norman Rockwell" Christmas' that you see in the movies. Or the kind that I was absolutely positive everyone else was experiencing but me. But as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that the picture perfect Christmas, complete with the reading of the Christmas story, Christmas lights, Christmas trees, and endless Christmas cookies really is a rarity. I've also come to realize that the way I know Christmas is the only way I want to know it. I've established traditions with my family that I wouldn't trade for the world. And with everything my family has experienced the past several months, you better believe I'm gonna enjoy every single second of this season!! Over the last several years, God has had mercy on my memory (the painful parts), and time truly does heal. I promise.

As I'm writing this, here are the ones I currently have on repeat:

1. My Soul Magnifies the Lord - Chris Tomlin
2. Joy to the World - Chris Tomlin
3. Glory in the Highest - Chris Tomlin
4. O Holy Night - Chris Tomlin
5. Winter Snow - Audrey Assad w/ Chris Tomlin
6. The Night Before Christmas - Brandon Heath
7. Born in Bethlehem - Third Day
8. You're Here - Francesca Battistelli
9. How Many Kings - Downhere
10. In the First Light - Todd Agnew
11. Give this Christmas Away - Matthew West & Amy Grant
    

Of course one of my all time favorites is “Mary, Did You Know?”. I’m still waiting for someone to come out with a killer version. It’s not on my playlist presently, but I love Kenny Rogers and Wynonna’s version best…for now. Hint, hint, hint.

I'll even confess one more thing to you.... I actually bought Christmas cards for the station this past Friday in Ocala. Truly, I did. I have witnesses. :)

I say all this to say....I can't wait for Christmas this year!!! I'll be spending half of my Christmas season in Peru delivering shoes and presents to the precious, precious children in orphanges there. I'll be a mess, for sure! And then I'll arrive back in time to spend the rest of the season with my family. The season that celebrates the birth of our Savior. The Savior that was born....to die. So that we may have life. Wow.

Merry Christmas!

Friday Dance Parties

OK, so Kris & Leslie have been putting together a video each Friday afternoon appropriately called, "The Friday Dance Parties"! With Sharathon happening this Friday, they had more "dancers" in the building, including our network President, Jim!! Fun stuff.....

FRIDAY DANCE PARTY: Episode 5 from Kris P. Kreme on Vimeo.

From my partner, Bill Martin....

I'm not sure what motivated Bill to post this note on his Facebook page, but I'm very glad he did. Of course, we've all gotten the phone calls or emails that start like this: "So why are y'all begging for money?" - or - "When will y'all be done with Sharathon, so I can tune back in?" I won't even begin to tell you how angry those calls and emails make me, but be sure they do! 

Or 

Perhaps he didn't receive any of that and just wanted to put on his professor hat, complete with tweed & patches, and explain why we (unapologetically) fund-raise twice a year. I'll be the first to confess that I didn't like it at all the first couple of years. Now? I look forward to it! Seriously. Because it's not about raising money, it's about creating community and then caring for it.  

Bill explains.....

If you knew how much each of us doesn’t like raising money, you’d know what a miracle it is that we love Share-a-thon.

Share-a-thon (or “Sharathon” – there is no official spelling) is the on-air fundraising event that supplies support for The JOY FM, the listener-supported radio station where I work. Of course, it’s nice to have a salary. But if turning our show into a giant cash register for a week were only to pay our salaries and keep the lights on, I couldn’t do it. None of us could. Honestly.

We’ve all seen grinning televangelists whose emotional and overblown appeals only heighten their incredulous promises of leveraged miracles to those who give “sacrificially” (wheeling and dealing God’s grace: the more money, the bigger the miracle). We vomit in their general direction.

And while we’ve tried to avoid the association, we do get lumped-in with the charlatans from time to time. Still, we have to raise the money to operate. And radio ain’t cheap. It takes around 3.5 million dollars a year to run this place. We cover three media markets, or (as the car drives) over 200 miles north-to-south in Florida. The JOY FM is actually five separate FM stations with numerous, low-power “translators” that fill in the gaps. And we aren’t licensed by the FCC to sell any commercials.

Dave and Carmen (who have both been in commercial radio) regularly celebrate their freedom from playing to an advertiser and from skirmishes between the sales and programming departments. Non-commercial, listener supported radio is accountable to our listeners, not advertisers. A sense of shared ownership accompanies each gift of support. Besides, each supporter’s gift is an investment of trust.

We will never get over the fact that people voluntarily support the station. What? People willingly part with some of their money… because we ask them for it? It makes no sense! It shouldn’t work. It wouldn’t work unless there were something more to it than you can get from purchasing music on iTunes. JOY FM supporters are not consumers. They are partners in the truest sense of that word with the mission of The JOY FM. When they give a financial gift, they are investing in a relationship that becomes more valuable over time, yielding its profits in intangible benefits to themselves, the community and God’s kingdom.

Benefits become tangible in efforts like 20 Wishes, T-shirts for Turkeys, feeding the homeless, shoes for orphans, Homes of Hope for India, The Summer Cruise, and live broadcasts from your favorite artists' kitchen tables. These special programs and humanitarian outreaches are realized through The JOY FM community, not just through the on-air personalities. Community support engenders trust and enthusiasm from others, resulting in partnerships with record labels, artists, businesses and individuals who buy-in to the vision of our using our strength for service.

The bigger picture of the matrix of relationships that form The JOY FM community reveals the unquantifiable effects of daily encouragement, life-support and spiritual transformation. (We could tell stories…)

So, it seems to me when we ask for money, we’re really not asking for ourselves. It’s not the consumer cost-value equation. It’s a partnership to enable imitation of the life of Christ and instantiation of the Gospel. That’s why we ask. In the middle of a large support-drive for a mission to Jerusalem churches, Paul anchored his appeal in the giving-grace of the Gospel:

For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich. (2 Cor. 8:9)

Giving is a grace – an enablement by God made possible by the poverty of His Son. When we learn how to give, we experience the riches of God’s grace in Christ. That’s why we stress the blessing of God during these Share-a-thon appeals. It’s real.

That’s why we ask.

The Station .... the One with the T-Pain App

The One With the T-Pain App from The Morning Cruise

Be Silly!

Love you little....

Love you BIG! 

Love you like....

A Little Pig!

Oink, Oink, Oink!

That's something I've told my girls since they were just a few months old!  I would get nose to nose with them, recite my made-up poem, and then do the "oink, oink, oink" in their cute little necks!  Of course this would make them giggle out loud and we'd repeat the fun several times in a row!  To this day, all I have to say is "Love you little, Love you BIG! " and they'll instinctively repeat, "love you like a little pig.  Oink, Oink, Oink".  Everytime. Without fail. 

I walked in from the lanai this afternoon to find Abbey having a photo booth "session" on my Mac. I immediately took full advantage of jumping up on the

bed with her and spending the next 30 minutes making as many silly faces as we could think of.   I love being silly with my girls. That's one thing I do very well.  Probably too well if you asked them.  One of my other favorite things to do (in addition to my poetry) is to cheer for my girls in the mornings (on the weekends of course!) .... and especially when they have friends over for sleepovers. They'll "sleepwalk" out of their bedrooms with their girlfriends at noon towards the kitchen looking for something to replace the midnight pizza and Doritos.  I'll get that look in my eye, grin, and they'll know EXACTLY what's coming.  Yep.  I'll assume the "cheer position", chant - complete with hand motions - something similar to this:

READY, OK!

HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR EGGS?

SAY, HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR EGGS?

SCRAMBLED, SCRAMBLED, I CAN DO SCRAMBLED. 

FRIED, FRIED, I CAN DO FRIED.

POACHED, POACHED, I CAN DO POACHED!

YAY. YAY. YAY!

(attempt at a jump here)

You get the picture.  At this point, they've laid their heads down on the bar in total embarrassment explaining to the friends that I'm weird and they begin apologizing for my outlandish behavior. LOLOLOL!  Their friends think it's hilarious.  Haley & Abbey? Well, deep down I think they do too.  But of course, they wouldn't admit it for a million years or at least not until they have to eulogize me one day. :) 

I love my girls with all of my heart. I absolutely adore them.  And I, by no means, have been the perfect mom.  Hear me on that one!  I've messed up.  A LOT.  But based on my journey thus far, all I can offer is this:  Pray for your kids daily, savor every moment them, listen more than you talk, and BE SILLY!!!  

Oink, Oink, Oink.